She announced her abortion via fbk
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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