you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
