Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
