well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
