K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
