I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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