Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
