you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
