What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
