if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
