we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
