Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
