just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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