Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
