I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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