i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
