i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
