I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
