All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
