And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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