im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
