Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
