Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
