Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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