SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
