I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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