At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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