the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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