she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
