i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
