Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
