i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
