I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
