Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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