A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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