My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
