I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
