my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize