Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
