And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
