three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
