Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
