You're so nebulous sometimes
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
