So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
