so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
