My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My balls are so social today.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We're too hungover to prance.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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