Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
