If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
