so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
