I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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