Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
