We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize