I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize