Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
