I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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