Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
