Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize