I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
