my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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