my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
