She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
