We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
