Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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