I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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