This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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