You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
