I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
