He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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