Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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