So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
