Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
