So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
