how can u be prego again
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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