I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
