you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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