I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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