You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
