just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize