it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize