Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
