Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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