I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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