Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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