Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
